We’re all going to spend a lot more time at home going forward because of the coronavirus outbreak.

You could spend your days endlessly scrolling your Facebook feed. Or you can read a book that can make an immediate impact on your love life.

It’s not often I come across a new book that offers a new—and somewhat controversial—approach for women seeking love. But that’s what I found with His Secret Obsession by James Bauer.

The book claims that it will help any woman make their man commit to them over the long term.


By unraveling the primal desires of men.

His Secret Obsession by James Bauer is a powerful relationship guide that is available in downloadable PDF or audiobook versions.

The book tackles the issues that affect women around the world, including:

  • Why men can lose interest in a woman after the initial attraction wears off
  • Why men men are reluctant to commit long term, even when the early signs of relationship seem so promising
  • Why men can pull away suddenly and stop communicating with their partners.

The central assertion of His Secret Obsession is that men are driven by instinctive needs, even if they are not consciously aware of them.

James Bauer calls this ‘The Hero Instinct’. And he claims that it’s up to women to bring this to the fore. In fact, he says a man will be drawn to any woman who makes him feel it.

According to ‘The Hero Instinct’, men are driven by these three things:

  • To live a meaningful live and feel appreciated for his efforts
  • To provide for those he cares about in life, including his family, friends and especially his romantic partner
  • To be respected by his peers.

In short, men want to be a hero. And more importantly, they want to be your hero.

Who is James Bauer?

James Bauer is a successful author and last year I read another one of his earlier books, What Men Secretly Want (which is a great book in itself).

He got his start as a trained psychologist. Learning about the intricacies of men and women’s brains and how they differ, Bauer became a relationship coach. For the past 12 years, he’s worked with thousands of men and women to help strengthen their relationships.

By carefully studying their cases, James Bauer discovered what he believes is the secret to developing a long-term, satisfying relationship. His approach is based on his own personal experience as a therapist and basic human psychology.

He has distilled all of this knowledge into this book, His Secret Obsession.

Although I’m very familiar with James Bauer, I couldn’t find any good sources of information about His Secret Obsession. All I knew was it was receiving a lot of hype, and that it was supposed to tap into male psychology and reveal our primal desires.

So, I did the only thing a self-confessed relationship geek could do.

I read the book myself from cover to cover and decided to give my verdict on it here.

‘The Hero Instinct’: What do I think about it?

The Hero Instinct is certainly a fascinating take on what drives men romantically.

I know first hand how important it is for everyone (both men and women) to live a meaningful life and dedicate themselves to the things and people they care deeply about. I talk about this in detail in my eBook about taking responsibility for your life.

However, the way James Bauer took this a step further and applied it specifically to the way men approach dating and relationships was thought provoking for me.

Bauer argues that men are actually pretty simplistic.

The one thing men want is to feel like heroes. James argues that it goes back to our primal nature.

After reflecting on this for some time, I think there is a lot of truth to it. A man’s psyche feeds off of things like ego, and in this relationship guide, Bauer tells women how to appeal to that ego.

I also see a lot of myself in the way he describes men and what we need.

I’m not the most alpha of males. Sure, I drink beer and watch football, but I’m also a keen student of Buddhism, I’ve written a book about mindfulness, and I’ve never fixed a single thing around my house.

But the drive for meaning, respect and to provide for the people we care about are common to all men, including me.

Introducing Rachel

One interesting addition to the book is Rachel.

When you first start reading His Secret Obsession, you’ll be introduced to her.

It’s one of James Bauer’s favorite clients who was struggling in her relationship. Not wanting to come off as clingy, she hung back. But, there was radio silence as her man didn’t text or call back.

Sound familiar?

So, Rachel reached out to James Bauer, her relationship coach.

He gave her a 12-word formula to text her boyfriend. Soon enough, he came right back to Rachel.

While James was pleased with the outcome, he wasn’t happy that he only helped one woman. He knew that he could help others who were going through a similar thing. That’s when he decided to write His Secret Obsession.

In the last section of the book, James Bauer reveals this exact 12-word formula that triggered the hero instinct in her boyfriend.

The Pros of His Secret Obsession

As with any book, there were things I really liked and a few things that weren’t as good.

Let’s start with the good.

This is the only dating book you’ll need

There’s a huge amount insight contained in His Secret Obsession.

With over 200 pages, bonus materials, and a workbook, there’s plenty of information to sort through. For some that can be overwhelming, but for me it never felt like a chore to read through it all.

I learned a lot about how women should approaching dating and relationships and, surprisingly, I also learned a lot about myself.

The advice is practical

Throughout the book, James Bauer talks about the things women need to do to satisfy a man’s hero instinct. He uses real-world examples of women who have achieved incredibly successful outcomes by adopting these methods.

Remember James Bauer has worked with countless clients over the past 12 years and has seen first hand how his techniques work in reality.

His methods are research based

Every claim in the book is backed up. For instance, each time he talked about why a man wants to feel like a protector or how a woman “claiming” you is a turn on for a guy, he backed it up with evidence.

Although there were a few times I thought something probably wouldn’t work on me, the reasoning behind it was always sound.

It’s easy to download

Because His Secret Obsession is an eBook, you don’t have to wait to get it in the mail. You can start reading it immediately.

There’s a money back guarantee

Not everyone will love every dating guide out there, but with this one, there’s no risk. With a 60-day money back guarantee, there’s not really anything to lose out on.

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